a cruel romance [night 8]

[worldchampofmartialarts]

[Death never has a meaning, but if we so choose to seek out patterns in a desperate attempt to imbue meaning into the twisted charades and senseless loss of life, we might come to the natural conclusion that love has no place here. That no matter how close a relationship may become, we can never know anyone else as intimately as we know ourselves.

Ultimately, we are all entirely alone, unable to truly understand anything beyond our deeply limited perspectives.

It's pointless even pretending any of us, alive or dead, are people deserving or capable of love.

Well, to hell with that.

We can always put in the effort.

Even when the circumstances get worse, we can always be better.

So let's give it a try.]

Comments

[iote]

Understandably so.

[He's quiet for a moment, just remaining where he is, folding his hands behind his back.]

Many people respect you here. I wouldn't be surprised if that's part of the reason why you're here alone instead of seeking them out.

You don't have to be rational or calm or respectable in front of me. I'm not going to care, nor will I mind.

[rangerslayer]

The team I was with... The oldest of them was maybe 24. They were kids. Just a bunch of kids. I can't. I guess I just got into the habit, with everyone here, too.

[ Is she doing this now? ...Maybe. ]

...They wouldn't respect me, if they knew.

[iote]

"If they knew"...?

[Again, it isn't a demand. Just something he's putting out there. This is all a little disjointed.

He does come a bit closer at that, though. Not close enough to touch; he hates contact himself, anyway. But still. Talk to him.]

cw: mind control references

[rangerslayer]

[ For a moment, she's quiet. Maybe she won't respond. ]

...I didn't work for that man I mentioned. I was his tool. If the spell he put over me hadn't broken, I'd still be just that.

A weapon.

[iote]

And how does that make you less deserving of respect? The things that were done then were done under coercion. Were they your choice, that would be different.

But I suspect you've told yourself these things before. You didn't believe them then, and you won't believe them coming from me. Perhaps you find them meaningless; I wouldn't know. But I still believe you to be deserving of respect, if nothing else, and that isn't something I tell people unless I believe they've earned it.

cw: referenced consent issues

[rangerslayer]

I... It's a little hard to find yourself worthy of respect when you answered to the man who killed some of your oldest friends. [ That's an almost weak defense. She knows it. ] It wasn't just that it did. The things... The thoughts I had, they were all mine. Just...unfiltered.

[ Her grip tightens on the bow. ]

It let all the dark impulses free, as long as- [ Tighter. ] ...As long as I obeyed him. In...whatever he wanted.

[iote]

The thoughts you have now are yours as well, are they not?

[As always, it isn't gentle. Nothing he says ever is. But this is...closer. A bit less harsh, a bit calmer than usual. Little things.]

Perhaps you gave in to dark impulses, and perhaps those impulses were entirely yours. You've also kept others from acting on those impulses themselves. Are the actions you undertake now not more important than the actions you took under that particular influence?

Perhaps the person who created and indulged in those dark acts was you. But the person here that is deserving of the respect she has earned among us is also you. I think you know that, but still believe it to be worth the effort of pointing out.

cw: non-consensual relationship

[rangerslayer]

They are- I know they are, but it doesn't change-

[ There's something frustrated, something she can't quite get at. Though, she's actually looking at him, focusing her attention, so that's probably good. ]

...It doesn't change that everything I've done since then... Everything in the last several years is to...to erase that. All the anger, and the rage...and the lives I ruined, and the people I killed. Every time that bastard called me his--

[ She takes in a sharp breath and the bow digs into her hand. ]

...I'll be fine in the morning. I hear you. I hear what you're saying, and I appreciate it. But- I'll be fine once I start focusing on...what I can do to help again.

[iote]

...Perhaps one day - not now, because no one needs to hear it now - I'll tell you about Maria. Why saving her is so important to me. I can tell you, however, that I understand. Carrying out that task is the only reason I'm still alive, and it's solely so I can make something right.

You'll be fine in the morning because you have to be. I understand that as well.

[rangerslayer]

[ ... ]

I think I'd like to hear about her...sometime. [ She puts a hand to her head, letting the bow sink to the sand. ] Tonight, I'm just... A little bit tired.

[iote]

As I said. Not tonight.

[...]

Come back to the inn with me.

[rangerslayer]

[ A humorless smile...or an attempt at one. ]

Not inclined to leave the screaming woman alone on the beach?

[iote]

I want to make sure you at least pretend to sleep tonight. I imagine seeing you off to somewhere that that can happen is a decent start.

[...]

You are aware, surely, that you're important to me.

[rangerslayer]

...Yeah. I am.

[ She sounds a little surprised for a moment, but honestly? She very much is. ]

Right back at you, Michalis.